Spice it up, work it out, and have some fun
By J. A. Shapira & Candice G. Ball
WARNING: EXTRA SPICY CONTENT
This article is intended for adult audiences and contains mature content that is sexually explicit in nature and may be disturbing to some readers. Discretion is advised. (Some names have been changed to protect the identity of the individual).
Sex. Though most people in the world have it and enjoy it, strangely enough it’s considered a taboo topic of discussion by many of those same people.
Why is that? Because we’re a bunch of prudes? Because it’s actually still 1932? Because you were raised to believe that you’d be punished for enjoying it? Because it’s embarrassing to tell someone what turns you on?
Whatever your excuse, stop using it. Sex is healthy. It improves sleep, is a great cardiovascular workout, reduces stress and lowers your blood pressure, among other benefits. Even doctors can agree that sex is a wonderful, creative and very enjoyable thing with the right partner, or even alone.
But if you’re one of those people either too shy to research it yourself, or just interested in learning more, we’ve done some research on your behalf. Read on and get it on!
When I sat down with the experts at local sex shops Smitten and Love Nest, I didn’t realize just how “prude” I was. Falsely confident that my sexual experience was on par with the average man, I never realized just how many various toys are available and what people are really doing with them.
Arriving home with a box full of sex toys and lubricants, I was given the task of testing and reviewing each of the products. Yes, I have a tough job…
When it came to men’s toys like the Fleshlight, it wasn’t hard to deduce this was something I might be able to get behind (no pun intended). However, for the vibrators or dildos, I would need female test subjects to help me out, resulting in my wife and a friend of hers, Sheri, taking the reins and sampling these orgasm inducers. I also wanted the opinion of the experts, so when celebrity sexpert Sue Johanson called me from her cottage, we spent a good half hour talking about sex and why toys are so important.
In addition to the experts at Smitten and Love Nest, Sheri, my wife and Sue Johanson, I also asked a number of random strangers for sex tips and lists of their favorite toys. I perused online porn sites and spoke with multiple porn stars about their experiences; most of which are too graphic to quote.
In the end, most of the women I interviewed agreed on two things;
Toys are good.
Communication is great.
Men: If you’re looking to increase your sex life, perhaps a marriage has gone stale, you’ve been single for some time or you’re simply looking to liven things up with your mate, here are the best tips I was given:
Talk about sex. In and out of the bedroom. Even if you’re just cooking together, taking a walk or watching mindless TV, talk to her. Discuss fantasies, dreams, desires and keep the conversation alive.
Studies have shown that, believe it or not, a high percentage of women have never even seen their vagina. Recently, a video went viral on YouTube where a man set up a vagina booth where it showed women looking at their vagina for the first time. The results were incredible and I urge you to look it up. Since many women don’t spend much time visually perusing their undercarriage, they often become worried that it’s not attractive, unflattering or even smells or tastes strange. This is where we can make a big impact by constantly reassuring her that she looks and smells great. By easing that tension and reassuring her she’s beautiful, it gives her the ability to open up (again, no pun intended), and will increase the chances of her having an orgasm and ensuring you have one too.
Make her swoon.
Dim the lights. Many women begin to relax once the lights go down. Whether it’s because it helps them forget the stresses of their day, or simply makes them feel less “examined”, dimming the lights is a great way to up the passion and increase her libido. Take time to undress her and make her work to undress you. This will slowly release oxytocin which is the chemical that turns you on. This is also the time to really focus on foreplay. For some men who don’t enjoy cunnilingus, this is the time to take out the toys. According to Sheri, if you want to get her motor running, she wants you to treat your tongue like your penis and pump her with it. However, she also says the best way to start isn’t by going for the deep, but by gently kissing and touching her inner thighs, her vaginal lips and slowly sucking on her clitoris. This is a great time to take out a toy as well, using a vibrator or dildo as your wing man to give her multiple sensations as you run your tongue.
Let’s get it on.
Johanson is a big believer that men have the short end of the stick. “There’s a lot of pressure on men” says Johanson, who talks about how some women have an abnormal expectation about minimal time frames, size and performance. This is where issues in the bedroom often stem from. According to both her and Sheri, men shouldn’t rely solely on their penis to get the job done. Sheri, who claims she orgasms easily and multiple times, wants a guy who can change things up. This is where toys can really help. If you finish too quickly, have a toy that can start her off or finish things up. Use your tongue as an orgasm catalyst and make it work for you. This is another tip if you have threesome fantasies but want to remain monogamous. Depending on your fantasy, you can use a Fleshlight or other aide to help imagine that third person being involved.
While many products and lubricants were tested, complimentary of the Love Nest, Smitten and others, only the best of the best made it to this list.
Fleshlight: I tried this a few times and have to be honest, I didn’t really like it. It’s one of the most popular sex toys for men and visually looks like a vagina. With a lot of lube it works just fine, but it really feels nothing like a vagina. Nevertheless it’s kind of fun and offers different suction settings allowing some freedom to adjust the tightness.
Wet Wabbit: Tested by Sheri, the Wabbit proved enjoyable. It’s “more of a foreplay tool as in the end I pulled out my vibrator to complete the mission,” she says. “It’s small so it can’t go deep enough (but) I love how soft it is” she continued. “It’s very similar to a tongue.” According to Sheri, the Wabbit worked so well as an instigator that she didn’t need any lube at all.
WeVibe 3: Tested by my wife, this vibrator is intended for couples use. By inserting one end into the vagina, it offers multiple remote controlled vibration settings that are supposed to allow a man to have sex with his partner while she wears it, giving her extra stimulation. While my wife really enjoyed it with multiple orgasms, the difficulty we had was figuring out how to fit it in her with my penis at the same time. Perhaps we just need to read a manual.
Other products tested included various lubricants which despite making claims of ingenuity, really felt the same to us as any other lube. I also tested a discreet product called the Tenga Egg Clicker but was so disappointed with it, it’s not even worth reviewing.
Toys can be a lot of fun and there are plenty to try. However, when it comes to the best toy for putting energy back in your sex life, there is nothing better than imagination. From role playing to sex in new places, so long as you and your partner are comfortable, there is no limit to what you can achieve in the bedroom. Open and honest communication is the best bet and it never hurts to bring some toys or accessories into play should you need that helping hand.
For the best toys in the city, check out your closest Love Nest store or Smitten on Osborne. Their staff is friendly, helpful and open. Don’t be shy. JAS